"So much for a warm welcome from the locals" Paul muttered as he looked at the stain on his trousers that the red-haired man left in his epileptic fit. Paul removed his trousers and looked as they collapsed to the floor like dead sagging flesh. The stain was facing up at Paul in all of its brackish glory. The stain had a tinge of what appeared to be blood which couldn't be possible because the red-haired man wasn't bleeding. After a second of hesitation, Paul lifted up the pants and took them to the sink of his little bathroom. In the bathroom Paul grabbed one of the miniature bottles of shampoo to try and remove the stain. "Of all the peopl
I thought I've earned my answers from
I have nothing to hide
I lay it all before you
Every breath that I take
Every second I waste
Crying and begging
Wanting an answer spoken to my face
Why do I feel I am being judged by you
You say you have nothing to hide
When will I get an answer from you?
I don't feel the same anymore
Trying to avoid all the glares
I know that we haven't been the same
Ever since you've spoken her name
I've earned my answers from you
What else must I do?
You are out of my reach
I thought I had control
Why did everything have to change
I use to feel like I was flying
Now I am
fallingapart
My name is Killian O'Riley. I am of Irish decent and I planned on immigrating to what is left of the United States after an earthquake in 2017 destroyed the west coast. More on that later that is, if there is later. You see, I am probably not going to be alive for much longer and in case you find this journal it means that I am dead.
I am writing down my thoughts and last days in case if anyone ever finds this journal. I hope that somebody will find it so I am not forgotten.
10/20/20
I made the decision to move to America after I lost almost everything to an outbreak of something which resembled the plague. Those of us who were not infecte
The oath that I shall take renders my heart yours to break
My heart has always been yours anyways
Especially when you look at me with those eyes
And speak to me in that enticing voice
Take care of my heart
For I don't want it to break
For it is finally exiting a fragile state
Fear of getting hurt again was so unbearable
Yet you love me anyway
We've been through so much
Which has brought us even closer
I don't want anything to break our bonds
Which we forged together
You never fail to make me smile
Even when I feel lower than down
Especially when I am in pain
You always make it fade
When it feels like we have nothing
We alway
Is this goodbye?
Could this be farewell?
I cannot answer the questions
Which you always ask
I tie the knots on the noose I make
Breathing each breath as it may be my last
Feeling the apprehension grow deeper in my bones
The sweat dampen my brow
My heart quickens
Banging hard against my ribs now
Is this goodbye?
Could this be farewell?
I wish I could be the one to tell
Dreaming that you meant the words you said
Instead they were lies
Dripped in venom which entered my veins
Don't say a word
Don't say goodbye
You were the one who lied
Is this goodbye?
Could this be farewell?
I still have secrets that I could reveal
Yet they
Don't let my love for you be mistaken for weakness
Don't confuse my musing for neglect
Truth from you is what I yearn
Which seems to be too much to ask
Please don't hide behind a mask
I know the person you are now
Is different from the one you were before
I can't force you to feel
Yet what I feel for you is real
I cry in sorrow deep in night
I try to push the insecure thoughts away
Into the dark abyss
They show back up in dead of night
You've made promises that I pray you keep
Hoping and dreaming that they are real
Not some kind of smoke and mirrors
Am I in need of pulling the curtain
Hiding the man behind the machine
Can I
Heart pounding ever so faster
I am the master of my own disaster
Shivers of expectation
Feeling the fetid breath of a dying nation
Seeing the blood on my hands
Watching the burning of our motherland
The earth quakes fits asunder
I fight not to become another
Another bound by fear
Ich weiß, tief in mir
(I know deep inside me)
That no fear shall overwhelm
For I am the master at the ship's helm
Anger beyond belief
Why do I go through all this grief
Hoping and wanting a change
Yet getting the same anyways
I can scream and swear
Can hang myself and kick the chair
Yet nothing will change all the rage
That is forcing itself out the cage
Rasping on the door to my soul
With bloodied fingers alive and cold
Let it in or let it be
Embrace it and let it run free
Let it become a part of me
Or hide it and lock it away
From the light of day
Yet it still wants to rear its ugly head
How can I kill it and make it dead
When it is a part of my being
This primal urge controlling without seeing
"So much for a warm welcome from the locals" Paul muttered as he looked at the stain on his trousers that the red-haired man left in his epileptic fit. Paul removed his trousers and looked as they collapsed to the floor like dead sagging flesh. The stain was facing up at Paul in all of its brackish glory. The stain had a tinge of what appeared to be blood which couldn't be possible because the red-haired man wasn't bleeding. After a second of hesitation, Paul lifted up the pants and took them to the sink of his little bathroom. In the bathroom Paul grabbed one of the miniature bottles of shampoo to try and remove the stain. "Of all the peopl
I thought I've earned my answers from
I have nothing to hide
I lay it all before you
Every breath that I take
Every second I waste
Crying and begging
Wanting an answer spoken to my face
Why do I feel I am being judged by you
You say you have nothing to hide
When will I get an answer from you?
I don't feel the same anymore
Trying to avoid all the glares
I know that we haven't been the same
Ever since you've spoken her name
I've earned my answers from you
What else must I do?
You are out of my reach
I thought I had control
Why did everything have to change
I use to feel like I was flying
Now I am
fallingapart
My name is Killian O'Riley. I am of Irish decent and I planned on immigrating to what is left of the United States after an earthquake in 2017 destroyed the west coast. More on that later that is, if there is later. You see, I am probably not going to be alive for much longer and in case you find this journal it means that I am dead.
I am writing down my thoughts and last days in case if anyone ever finds this journal. I hope that somebody will find it so I am not forgotten.
10/20/20
I made the decision to move to America after I lost almost everything to an outbreak of something which resembled the plague. Those of us who were not infecte
The oath that I shall take renders my heart yours to break
My heart has always been yours anyways
Especially when you look at me with those eyes
And speak to me in that enticing voice
Take care of my heart
For I don't want it to break
For it is finally exiting a fragile state
Fear of getting hurt again was so unbearable
Yet you love me anyway
We've been through so much
Which has brought us even closer
I don't want anything to break our bonds
Which we forged together
You never fail to make me smile
Even when I feel lower than down
Especially when I am in pain
You always make it fade
When it feels like we have nothing
We alway
Is this goodbye?
Could this be farewell?
I cannot answer the questions
Which you always ask
I tie the knots on the noose I make
Breathing each breath as it may be my last
Feeling the apprehension grow deeper in my bones
The sweat dampen my brow
My heart quickens
Banging hard against my ribs now
Is this goodbye?
Could this be farewell?
I wish I could be the one to tell
Dreaming that you meant the words you said
Instead they were lies
Dripped in venom which entered my veins
Don't say a word
Don't say goodbye
You were the one who lied
Is this goodbye?
Could this be farewell?
I still have secrets that I could reveal
Yet they
Don't let my love for you be mistaken for weakness
Don't confuse my musing for neglect
Truth from you is what I yearn
Which seems to be too much to ask
Please don't hide behind a mask
I know the person you are now
Is different from the one you were before
I can't force you to feel
Yet what I feel for you is real
I cry in sorrow deep in night
I try to push the insecure thoughts away
Into the dark abyss
They show back up in dead of night
You've made promises that I pray you keep
Hoping and dreaming that they are real
Not some kind of smoke and mirrors
Am I in need of pulling the curtain
Hiding the man behind the machine
Can I
Heart pounding ever so faster
I am the master of my own disaster
Shivers of expectation
Feeling the fetid breath of a dying nation
Seeing the blood on my hands
Watching the burning of our motherland
The earth quakes fits asunder
I fight not to become another
Another bound by fear
Ich weiß, tief in mir
(I know deep inside me)
That no fear shall overwhelm
For I am the master at the ship's helm
Anger beyond belief
Why do I go through all this grief
Hoping and wanting a change
Yet getting the same anyways
I can scream and swear
Can hang myself and kick the chair
Yet nothing will change all the rage
That is forcing itself out the cage
Rasping on the door to my soul
With bloodied fingers alive and cold
Let it in or let it be
Embrace it and let it run free
Let it become a part of me
Or hide it and lock it away
From the light of day
Yet it still wants to rear its ugly head
How can I kill it and make it dead
When it is a part of my being
This primal urge controlling without seeing
Wow, been a while since I've done one of these. by TheSylverLining, journal
Wow, been a while since I've done one of these.
Tagged by ~Agent-Sarah (https://www.deviantart.com/agent-sarah)!
1. Mac or PC?
PC. I was spoiled by my college's nice Macs, but all I've ever had at home are PCs. It's an arrangement of extreme familiarity, with a great deal of bickering and the occasional blowout fights. We always come back to a peaceful co-existence, though.
2. Favorite game series?
Probably Pokemon, honestly. I like a lot of stand-alone games, but that's probably the only one in which I've played every canon incarnation. (I also like Disgaea and Fire Emblem. OH, and OBVIOUSLY, King's Quest! OH and Mass Effect, and Dragon Age. And Fable. To a lesser extent.)
3. Your favorite ice cream flavor?
Peanut butte
Thought I'd fire this back up again. Not sure if any of my followers are still around. Had a ton of shit happen since I've posted last. Lost my mom back in 2016 and had another job change. I was able to save enough up to move the hell out of where I was living at. My landlord lost their shit and wanted more money on top of what I put down for the security deposit. They can suck a sack of dicks. Haven't written anything recently but I can possibly find what I haven't posted here yet. If anyone is interested, just comment on here and I'll post. Hope the past couple years have treated everyone decently before this 2020 shit show happened.
Still alive. I know I haven't updated in forever but I've since got a different job along with half a fuckton of responsibilities now. I do have a tumblr now. If you want it ask and I'll pm you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbUIB-anUBw&list=FLZGCcEvlI7dgrKEtC-IVDAw&index=28&feature=plpp_video
Nights before
I thought about all the days we made it out
But today I face tomorrow
Yes there's bigger fears than before
And lonely nights are getting more
But there won't be lies and sorrow
Again I have been told to let you go
Oh no
I am sorry, cause my head won't so
Burn my heart
Burn it out
Cause without you there's no doubt
That I won't need all those feelings for a new dawn
Take my soul
Carry down all those memories to your ground
But the water in your eyes says
Forever we are bound
Blackened times I hoped in pain
But